Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Sweet Valley University #12: College Cruise

I really want to punch Liz Wakefield in the face right now. She inherited what seems like a huge amount of money and gives it all away to charity because it isn’t really her money. The guy almost killed you and all your friends you dumb, stupid bitch. That money could pay for college, or hell she could buy her way onto a newspaper. She decides to buy everyone tickets for some random college cruise to make up for their near death.

Liz then holds a party where everyone acts like she’s the greatest person in the world. Hmm, let’s see. You all almost died just because you were friends with her, then Liz inherits a quagillion dollars and buys you all freaking cruise tickets and you’re willing to forgive her. Oh wait, she also bought them pastries. My bad. Conveniently Lila and Bruce are also going on the cruise.

Liz is supposed to go pick up the tickets, but can’t make it so Tom volunteers to take her place. He and Liz are having problems because they never have any time together since Jess needs her help and even she’s picking up on it. He gets asked to make the arrangements and puts him and Liz in their own room.

The big day finally arrives and everyone has problems. Bryan is afraid of ships because he can’t swim and tries to back out, which makes Nina think he doesn’t like her. Then Winston accidentally knocks him overboard. He finally gets back on the ship, but gets food poisoning and ends up in the med center. There he meets the doctor (Rich) who starts hitting on Nina.

Todd feels all alone and can’t connect with any of the other SVU people because he’s been through a lot more than them. He ends up bonding with Gin-Yung who thinks he only likes her as a friend and eventually kisses him. Lila and Bruce are happy, except that she keeps thinking of her dead husband and Noah thinks Alex is losing interest in him.

Liz freaks out when she finds out what Tom did and demands that he fix it because she so isn’t ready for sex so she ends up back in a room with Jess. Tom keeps trying to find time for her and she keeps slamming the door in her face. He meets up with Danny, who’s best friend Jason from back home is on board to get married. Tom realizes that he and Jason’s fiance Nicole actually dated.

Apparently Nicole and Tom went out a few times and then she just stopped calling. She tells him that she met Jason, fell in love, transferred schools and that was it. They keep getting thrown together, which worries him because he doesn’t know what to do.

Everyone gets off the ship on one of the island stops and they split up. Tom wants some time with Liz because they haven’t seen each other all day, but she blows him off because Jess wants to shop for perfume. She arranges to meet him for lunch, but then skips out on that too because Jess fucks up and the cops think she’s a pickpocket so they have to run off.

Bryan goes to a museum while Nina tries parasailing because he’s afraid to try. He finds out that she’s actually with Rich and gets pissed off. Somehow he, Winston and Denise end up stranded on the island and no one realizes it until dinner that night, but it doesn’t really seem like that big of a deal to anyone. Nice, right?

Jess keeps going off the deep end because she’s convinced that she has some guardian angel watching over her. She starts chasing some random guy on the island, which is why the cops think she’s a pickpocket. Then she’s stalking some other guy and gets knocked overboard. She basically keeps telling Liz that she doesn’t need her and then Liz tells Tom off because Jess does need her.

Everyone gets kind of snippy with each other at dinner and Tom finally snaps. Liz tells everyone to calm down and quit arguing because she didn’t “pay for everything” for them to act like that. Tom tells her to mind her own business and quit telling people what to do. Yay! Go Tom! Liz runs off in tears and Tom wanders outside.

He sees Nicole and decides that he should apologize to Liz. He goes to her room and she throws him out because Jess fell overboard, despite the fact that no one told him that! He goes back outside, sees Nicole again and they end up kissing. Of course Liz and Danny catch them and Liz runs off again.

The book ends with Lila and Bruce talking about how much in love they are with each other. Then they hear a noise, which turns out to be a helicopter landing on the ship. Lila faints when she sees her dead husband climbing off the copter.

Are there really ships like this? I was really lame and spent my spring break trips doing lame, boring stuff, but I can’t really imagine doing this. Schools go on break at such different times that the ships would have to run for like a month solid. Plus can you imagine the insurance it would take to have thousands of college students on your boat? Oh and how many college kids could actually afford a week long cruise?


  1. I remember this book! I read it during Spring Break one year, and all I can remember is laughing so uproariously that the woman on the lounge chair next to me finally put her book down and was like, "TELL MEEEEEE!" So I did, and then I gave her the book to take home with her. Ah, Sweet Valley. Pay it forward.

  2. I think I stopped reading this series after book 6 or something, probably when Jess was still "married". I missed out on all the good times lol