Young Adult Revisited

This is one of the 400 books in the series where absolutely nothing happens. It seriously takes 200+ pages to tell a few days. Jess comes home after hearing rumors that Liz is leaving Sweet Valley, only to find her twin cooking a gourmet dinner. Trust me, she ain’t making shit on a hot plate. I speak from experience. Jessica freaks out when she learns Liz is moving to Denver because she can’t understand why she wouldn’t talk to her about it. Didn’t she do the exact same thing when she wanted to go to Switzerland? Jessica storms off, but no one wants to hear her whines. They point out all the “shitty” stuff her twin does and Jess gets excited enough that she decides to throw her a party. Tom mopes about Liz leaving, while Dana wants to throw a party of her own. She runs into Scott, who tells her that she needs to make sure she keeps Tom happy. Then Liz wanders around campus, running into dozens of people who think she’s making a great decision. Tom then shoves it in her face, telling he...

Elizabeth and Scott were contacted by some lame news-magazine called NEWS2US that wants to feature them in an upcoming story. The article is supposedly about what happened at the country club, but you couldn’t tell it by the interview. Liz gets kind of flustered and Scott answers most of their questions. I love that she gets flustered because the photographer is asking her to move, while the reporter asks her questions. When the article comes out, Liz is furious! The article makes her look like a joke and Scott a hero. It leaves out all mention of Tom, Jessica, Nick and everyone else who helped on the undercover operation. They refer to Scott as the real reporter and Liz as his girlfriend, following in his footsteps. Liz confronts Scott and goes off on him, but he has an excuse. He tells her that the reporter was jealous of her. The reporter hit on him and he turned her down, so she made him the hero of the story. He says Liz is more talented and beautiful than the reporter and she tot...

Let’s just call this one Single White Female: SVU. I think the ghostwriter watched that movie and still had it fresh in their mind because I swear entire scenes and quotes from the book, came right from the movie. Isabelle and Danny are celebrating her birthday, when he gets her alone and pulls out a ring box. Seeing a diamond ring inside, she immediately tells him that she’ll marry him. Oopsie, he’s not proposing. He just wants her to have his family heirloom ring. This is really lame Danny, really lame. He literally gets all romantic with her, gives her a diamond ring and then doesn’t want to marry her. Isabelle then bonds with Jessica, talking about how she doesn’t have a whole lot of money. Her parents paid for a two-bedroom apartment off-campus and now won’t/can’t help her with any other bills. They go to some beauty school for free haircuts. Jess wimps out, but Izzy goes through it, only to end up with a short hairstyle that she doesn’t exactly love. To cap it all off, she wrecks...

It’s Sweet Valley, which means that rules and legalities mean nothing. That’s the only way I can explain why Nick is allowed to take Jessica on an undercover operation. Seriously, can you imagine what would happen if she was accidentally shot or something on this job? Anyway, she runs over to Isabel’s and asks for help. She says that Nick always looks sleazy when he goes undercover and she wants to look sleazy too. She borrows a pair of pleather pants and lets Izzy use fake black hair dye on her hair. She heads off to their meeting spot for a truly lame scene. Nick thinks Jessica is some chick he busted and Jessica thinks Nick is some loser she knew in high school because he’s dressed like a geek. Hardy-har-har. Nick tells Jessica that they’re going undercover at Verona Springs Country Club, where Lila is a member. She confesses that she told Lila she was going with him on an assignment and he freaks out, but of course forgives her. She goes shopping with Izzy again and buys a bunch of...