Sweet Valley University #34: Spy Girl

It’s Sweet Valley, which means that rules and legalities mean nothing. That’s the only way I can explain why Nick is allowed to take Jessica on an undercover operation. Seriously, can you imagine what would happen if she was accidentally shot or something on this job?

Anyway, she runs over to Isabel’s and asks for help. She says that Nick always looks sleazy when he goes undercover and she wants to look sleazy too. She borrows a pair of pleather pants and lets Izzy use fake black hair dye on her hair. She heads off to their meeting spot for a truly lame scene. Nick thinks Jessica is some chick he busted and Jessica thinks Nick is some loser she knew in high school because he’s dressed like a geek. Hardy-har-har.

Nick tells Jessica that they’re going undercover at Verona Springs Country Club, where Lila is a member. She confesses that she told Lila she was going with him on an assignment and he freaks out, but of course forgives her. She goes shopping with Izzy again and buys a bunch of vintage clothes, plucks her eyebrows, dyes her hair and passes herself off as Perdita de la Mer or something stupid like that.

It’s seriously the most ridiculous thing. First of all, they have Jess walking around in six inch stilettos, which would probably cripple her and aren’t authentic to the 1940s. Then, no one, not a single person recognizes her because she has a different hair color and wears sunglasses. Are you telling me that Lila wouldn’t recognize her. To make matters worse, somehow, no one recognizes Nick. Nick, who basically parts his hair differently and that’s it.

Jessica makes herself the center of attention and everyone loves her. All the lame club people want to be just like her and make fools of themselves. They believe all the stories she makes up about Argentina and want to be her best friend.

Liz and Scott are investigating at the club, but their story is pretty lame too. Get the feeling this is a bad book? She keeps running into Tom and they fight or run away from each other. Then she finds a letter to some guy named Manoel, which says his voting location changed, but he was an illegal immigrant.

Liz actually sits with “Perdita” and doesn’t realize it’s Jessica until they look into each other’s eyes. Then she chases her twin all across the club, until she realizes that Nick is working on a case that’s also her story.

We also get a little thing about Bruce. He’s still pissed about Paul kicking his ass during the tennis match and Paul suggests they play a few games for money. Bruce wins, they up the amount and then Paul wipes the floor with him. It turns out that it was all Bunny’s idea, for Bruce dumping her earlier in the year. Bruce calls the cops and pretends that Paul stole from him.

Tom runs into Paul, who locked his keys in his car, in the parking lot. He offers to help him get them out with a coat hanger, but the cops show up. Bruce pops out, the cops realize what actually happened and suggest that Paul file a lawsuit for slander against him. Tom decides to help Paul, who suddenly grabs the coat hanger and expertly jimmies the lock before driving off, which makes him realize something weird is going on.

Liz runs into Tom outside and they start getting close, sharing what they know about the story they’re both working on. They almost kiss, but then Scott shows up and makes a few rude comments. The book ends with Tom storming off, vowing to beat Liz to the story.

Okay, so Tom is supposed to be our “hero” in these books, but he’s a real asshole. I know that Dana is a bad person because she stole his note to Liz, but she totally doesn’t deserve the shit he puts her through. He spends the whole book using her, blowing her off when he doesn’t need her and calling her when he does. Then if he sees Liz in the area, he drops Dana like a hot potato. Considering that in the later books we find out that they had sex (a lot), he really comes off like an asshole. Even Liz deserves better!