Friday, December 3, 2010

Sweet Valley University #46: I’ll Never Love Again

Let’s get some of the boring stuff out of the way before I go off on another rant about Jessica. First Tom does a story about how women have all the sexual power and goes on and on about how women can do whatever they want, but guys can’t. He basically lets out all his frustration on Liz and says that women can say no, get upset when a guy wants different things and expect the guy to hold on forever. He turns into a pariah with all the girls on campus hating him and he gets in trouble at the station.

Danny keeps moping over Isabella because she’s the big love of his life. He decides to fly to Switzerland and win her back, but stops because it’s too expensive. Let that sink in for a minute: he spends the whole book moaning over her, but then won’t get off his ass and fly to see her because he doesn’t want to pay so much for a ticket. He and Tom go out drinking, he gets drunk and Tom has to save him when he accosts some girl who vaguely looks like Isabella.

Todd can’t stop thinking about Dana, but then doesn’t call her after their date. He decides that if she likes him, she’ll call and then keeps saying stupid shit when he does see her. They finally go out again and end up kissing and Dana confesses that she’s in love with him. Apparently it’s okay though because he loves her too! Yay and after only two dates!

Liz has a confrontation with Tom after his story airs and he calls her a frigid old maid, which sends her into a tailspin. She runs off and something happens to the Jeep so it gets towed to a mechanic. She starts checking out the guy working on the car and *gasp* it’s Mike McAllery. Yay, I was starting to miss him! He asks about Jess, she tells him the truth and they decide to work together and help her.

First though she arranges a barbeque at the Theta house, to celebrate Jessica *gasp* actually doing a paper for school. Basically Liz rides Jess for a week about some huge paper and cracks the whip over her about it. Then she reads the paper and realizes that Jess plagiarized part of the paper, but gets distracted and forgets about it. They have the dinner, but Jess shows up all confused and dressed funny, so no one knows what to do. Lila suggests they go to a spa together, but Jess doesn’t want to. Alison shows up, acts like a bitch and Jess just goes home.

Mike and Liz arrange for Jess to have a picnic with them. Jess thinks Mike is Nick because she sees him from the back and then gets pissed off when she sees him. She mopes all through dinner and when he tries to get her to go for a walk, she throws a fit and storms off. Liz and Mike start bonding and end up kissing. Ooh, I kind of like this!

So Jessica walks into a drugstore and buys a bottle of sleeping pills. The dark figure follows her home and watches her get ready to take the pills and throws a brick through the window. Good aim too, since the room is on the second floor. Jessica remembers making a promise to Nick that she’d live on as a reminder of their love. Liz finds the pills, but Jessica won’t even talk to her.

Jessica then gets a phone call from Alison, telling her that the Thetas voted and she’s kicked out. Then her professor calls and she has to go to a disciplinary hearing because she plagiarized her paper. Her clock gets unplugged, which may be Liz’s fault because she tripped over it, but then it takes her an HOUR to realize it. She’s late to her hearing and gets the letter a few hours later that she’s been expelled from school.

Liz sees Mike yet again and they end up kissing, but she pushes him away because of her sister. Liz then finds the letter and confronts Jessica, but she doesn’t care because her life is totally, totally over and she has nothing to live for. They have a huge fight and go storming outside together. Jessica says she doesn’t care about anything, doesn’t want Liz’s help anymore and doesn’t even want her as a sister.

The figure watches in the shadows and decides to go after Jessica, but Liz sees him and he runs off. Jess realizes that he looks familiar, but blows it off. Liz thinks that she should stick around and watch after her sister, but then runs off to see Mike. She decides that anything goes now and she can do whatever with her twin’s ex…

Ok, where do I start? First of all, Jessica refuses to even talk to Mike, who she was fucking married to. This isn’t a huge span of time people, it’s been like six months since they were married! She was probably even with him longer than Nick! I’m also really annoyed at Liz. At one point she decides to call their parents, but then forgets about it.

Hold the phone: no one told Ned and Alice that Jessica is suicidal and crazy? Plus I’m sure that the school knows about Nick, so why aren’t they doing anything? If nothing else, they should make sure she’s in therapy. Then there’s the “figure” following her, which we know is Nick. Why the fuck didn’t he call someone when he saw Jess contemplating suicide? Oh yeah, he totally loves her.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Sweet Valley University #45: Don’t Let Go

This is the book where Jessica goes insane. It’s also the book where I started snapping (out loud) at the characters and had to put it down before I threw it against the wall.

First of all, there really aren’t any stories beyond Jessica. Danny is still in love with Isabella, who still has amnesia. Her parents move into a hotel with her and agree to stay in town and let him try a few things to bring back her memory. He brings her pineapple pizza, which she used to love and now hates, then takes her on walks and basically just tries to be a good boyfriend. In the end, her parents decide that the best place for her is a sanitarium in Switzerland. Oh yeah, I’m sure that’s a lot better.

Dana and Todd start spending a lot of time together, but neither one of them wants to make the first move. Todd is worried that he’s being unfaithful to Gin-Yung and Dana doesn’t think a nice guy like Todd would like her. It doesn’t help when Tom confronts her on campus and calls her a whore. Apparently it’s okay for Tom to sleep with her, but not for her to sleep with him. Eventually they share a kiss.

Prim and proper Liz is assigned a newspaper article on college kids and their feelings about sex, which she turns into a prim and proper article. She ends up writing an article on how the “cool” thing to do is wait and how many couples are now waiting to have sex. Of course it’s a hit and people kiss her ass.

Oh and Nina suddenly starts getting jealous and thinking that Bryan is cheating on her because she finds a girl’s name inside his notebook. She asks him about it, but he refuses to answer anything. And they mention that she’s a virgin, but she’s not! There’s been mentions before about Nina and Bryan sleeping together AND in later books, they talk about how they slept together most of freshman year!

The real story deals with Jess and that’s the one that pissed me off. Even though she got over Sam’s death in like three days, she literally can’t function here and acts like no one in the world ever experienced anything like this before. Lila tries to talk to her and Jessica blows her off because Lila got over Tisano and Jess will NEVER forget Nick. Plus she and Nick had real love, not like Lila. Yeah, it’s not like Lila was married or anything.

Then she completely rewrites history, as in the last book. She says that she and Nick were talking about marriage and remembers him wanting to get married, when that’s not what happened. Nick just humored her and did a lot of “mm-hm’s until she shut up. Now she’s acting like they were three hours away from their wedding day when he was “killed”.

Jessica gets to the point where, if this was the real world, she’d definitely be institutionalized. There’s NO way she should be running around campus, free as a bird. She stops changing clothes and wears the same dirty and torn clothes every day. Then she hangs out at the cemetery all the times and spazzes out on Isabella when she can’t remember who she is. Does she not understand how amnesia works?

Then she gets super paranoid that people are following her everywhere. She chases some guy down the street, thinking it’s Nick because he’s wearing a leather jacket. She grabs him and when he turns around and asks if she needs help, she decides that he’s some spy sent to freak her out. She starts seeing spies everywhere and even hides in the closet of her dorm room when someone knocks on the door.

To top it all off, she washes her hair with body lotion, cleans herself with facial scrub, wears lipstick as blush and puts on tanner as foundation. After getting made up like this, she puts on a red and black plaid skirt, clogs and a purple shirt. She then breaks down in front of her professor and runs off in tears, finally collapsing on the lawn. Seriously, why isn’t someone calling the men with the white coats???

So Jessica then cries herself to sleep and decides that she’ll never get over Nick, never move on with her life and never love anyone ever again. At the end of the book, someone starts watching her outside…

I really hate how Jessica got almost an entire book where the main focus was her being crazy! We all know that she goes through men like most people go through socks and we don’t really need all this crap. It also annoys me that NO ONE even attempts to get her any help!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Sweet Valley University #44: Love Me Always

Everyone is in love and everyone is having problems. Danny keeps sitting by Isabella’s hospital bed, hoping that she’ll wake up and recover from everything that happened. The doctor tells him to encourage her other senses so he brings in her favorite clothes, perfume and tape. After draping the shirt over her, making her smell the perfume and putting the tape on, she starts moving. Isabella wakes up, but he’s heartbroken to learn that she has amnesia and doesn’t remember anyone.

Winston starts taking dating advice from Bruce because he’s desperate to get Denise back. Yes, Bruce Patman who he should know isn’t the best person to ask for help from. He buys her a cute charm shaped like an elephant, but it’s made out of ivory and sets her off. Now I thought it was illegal to sell ivory, but what do I know?

He then brings her another gift, which turns out to be a wrapped up cheeseburger. He explains that all the layers represent their love, but she thinks he should stop trying to bribe her to make her love him again. Then he shows up outside her window and serenades her with their favorite Beatles song and she finally gives in and they get back together.

Liz and Tom are back together, but she keeps harping on the Dana thing. She literally brings it up every 10 pages, wanting to know what happened. Apparently Dana is a leper on campus, which is really funny. Everyone heard about her hiding Tom’s love letter and now no one will have anything to do with her. It’s funny that anyone cares! If the school is really as big as everyone keeps saying, this shouldn’t affect more like 6 people total.

Because Liz is “so great” though, she starts feeling bad about Dana getting left out. She decides to confront her and after a few bad starts, they actually sit down and start talking. Then Liz starts in about how she’s glad Dana and Tom never slept together and Dana starts laughing/crying. She tells Liz that they did have sex, but then feels bad when Liz runs off crying.

Liz then confronts Tom at the station and he tries to play it off. She keeps pushing the issue until he confesses that he did sleep with Dana. She runs off and tells Jessica what happened, which leads to her sister freaking out over Tom being such an asshole and trying to make Liz feel better.

Okay, I have to ask: what is the big fucking deal? Liz says Tom didn’t stay faithful to her and by sleeping with Dana, he cheated on her. Um, no, he didn’t cheat on you because you weren’t dating then! Tom points out that they weren’t together and that he didn’t think they’d get back together, but she says that doesn’t matter. Apparently if you date a Wakefield twin and break up, you can never touch another woman on the off chance that you might get back together again.

There’s also a scene where she runs into Todd on campus. She wants to tell him all about what happened with Tom and ask for his advice. Then she decides not to because it wouldn’t be awkward since his girlfriend died in the past. Wouldn’t it be awkward because she and Todd dated when she was broken up with Tom? Or how about award because Todd dumped her over sex?

The big story involves Jessica and Nick. Nick’s in a safe house because of the DiPalma trial and Jessica apparently doesn’t get what “safe house” means because she keeps asking the cops to take her there and let her see him. She’s told to stay away from the trial because DiPalma wants her dead, so she turns up in a disguise and Nick recognizes her.

She keeps pushing the issue until the cops finally agree to let her see Nick because you know, rules mean nothing to the twins. She thinks that Nick will give up on the whole idea of witness protection once he sees her and pouts when he doesn’t. Then she decides that they should just elope and then she can go with him. He puts down the idea because he knows she won’t stay away from Liz. I love how this is like the 5th time Jess fell in love this year and the second time she wants to get married and no one blinks an eye!

Jessica shows up at court again, but this time gets busted and asks that the cops get a note to Nick. Nick reads it and sneaks off to meet with her, where they make out and pledge their love yet again. Jess keeps saying that things will be fine once DiPalma’s found guilty, but Nick knows that the guy swore to kill him, no matter the results.

Nick sends Jess home and she gets there just in time to see the verdict read. DiPalma is found guilty and she does a little happy dance because it means that Nick can come home. I really don’t understand why she doesn’t get that he has to go into witness protection. Suddenly she spots someone off to the side and sees that he has a gun. He shoots Nick and the twins run to the courthouse.

Jessica sees them put Nick in a body bag, but keeps talking about a plastic sheet. She wants them to take it off so he can breathe and then demands they take her to the hospital. One of the cops finally comes out and tells Jessica that Nick was shot three times. He didn’t make it.

This book kind of pisses me off. Everyone acts like Jessica is completely in love with Nick and has never been in love before, even though she falls “in love” every other book. Mike, James, Louis, Randy all came before Nick…just this year! Not to mention AJ, Sam and Ken in high school. It’s also laughable to imagine Jessica hiding herself in witness protection, when she constantly needs to be the center of attention!