The Baby-Sitters Club #118: Kristy Thomas, Dog Trainer

This book was really easy to read because nothing really happens!

It's a normal day in the Brewer-Thomas household, and Kristy lets us know that Watson has a bunch of magazines spread out because he's planning their new garden. He tells her that some of the stuff on the table is about guide dogs because he's considering signing the family up as a puppy trainer. A puppy trainer is someone who takes care of a guide dog when it's a puppy and turns it over later. He warns her that they have to pass some tests first, but naturally, they get a dog.

They pick Scout up and get a bunch of information about taking care of her. She has to go to obedience school for awhile, and Kristy, Watson, and Karen all go to the first one with her. Everyone thinks Scout is oh so cute except for one woman at the grocery store. She pitches a fit about how they shouldn't allow dogs in the store, but the manager sides with them because it's a service animal, so the woman storms off.

The whole family starts taking her places so she can learn how to act. Kristy even takes Scout to Krushers practice, but she flips the fuck out because Karen gives Scout and Shannon shoes to chew on. She goes off on her about how dogs shouldn't play with shoes, and Abby has to step in and kind of diffuse the situation.

There's a whole backstory about Deb Copper. I haven't read a lot of the later books so I don't know if she appears in any others. Deb recently went blind, which is how Watson learned about the guide dog foundation. Deb is really sad, but she acts out so that people won't want to be around her. Mary Anne and Kristy both have problems with her before Kristy decides to try something.

She arranges for the other sitters to bring their charges over because she thinks maybe Deb will be okay with new people. Deb gets really pissy with them, and they all leave. When she's over there again, Deb wants to rent movies, but Kristy decides to play with the boys first. Deb leaves on her own and almost gets hit by a car, but Kristy saves her.

The foundation decides to host a Puppy Walker Day where everyone dresses up their dogs. Kristy invites Deb's family, and she finally starts loosening up. She doesn't smile in the pictures, but she does participate a little so it's a win. And Kristy lets us know that Scout is so smart that she won't have a problem making it through the program.

*Claudia brings over the Hobart boys who she sits for and Ben is one of them. Really, Ben? The eleven year old who is old enough to date but apparently can't cross the street without a sitter?

*I love that Kristy lives so far away that she needs to take the bus or get a ride, but when she sits for Deb who lives in the same neighborhood, everyone manages to get there no problem.

*They make a big point out of how Scout can't play with other dogs because then she'll always want to play with dogs, but then Kristy lets her play with Shannon.

*Kristy really should have known that bringing over a bunch of random people was a bad idea, and I'm surprised she didn't ask for permission first.

*Abby spends a surprisingly large amount of time around Scout given that she's so allergic. They mention it, but it's apparently okay because she sits near a window.

*Deb's brother Mark tries to play kickball with his eyes shut to figure out what life's like for her, which freaks out his little brother because he's worried they'll both go blind.

*So it's okay to bring home another pet, but only if you get rid of it later? That's kind of what Watson says here since he wouldn't let Kristy bring home Sonny.

*They conveniently run into a blind man who tells them all about how much a guide dog changed his life. He also somehow knows exactly what breed Scout is after petting her head.

*It seems strange that the foundation would let them send Scout to a normal obedience school when they offer their own classes. Kristy says it's because they live so far away from the foundation, but it seems like they would find people close enough to attend those classes.

*I'm also pretty sure that the foundation wouldn't be cool with a 13 year old girl training one of their dogs instead of an adult.

*Scout always has to wear a yellow jacket that identifies her as a guide dog in training. See what's missing on the cover?

*Ann compares training a guide dog to training her cat to stop clawing things. Yup, totally the same thing.

Ghosts of Fear Street #8: The Ooze (R.L. Stine)

All poor Al wants for his birthday is a pair of roller blades. Unfortunately, he belongs to a family of brains who seem more concerned with teaching their pets stupid tricks than paying attention to him. Seriously, his sister Michelle taught her cat Chester to count, pull down the blinds, and use the electric can opener when he wants food. They also keep forcing him to study for the upcoming Science Bowl and reminding him that Michelle won every year she was in middle school.

The day of his birthday arrives, and his family seems pretty excited about his gift. Instead of new blades, he gets a chemistry set. To add to the fun, his parents decide that he can't actually use it until Michelle goes over all the safety regulations with him, and she's far too busy with her science club to help him in any way. He resigns himself to spending time with his dog Tubby, who is the stupidest dog in the world, and moping over his present.

When his best friend Colin discovers his present, he starts mixing things together to create a stink bomb. Al stops him because he's worried about an explosion, and Colin finds an orange slip of paper with instructions on how to make a stink bomb in the kit. Al thinks it's a little weird that it's on different paper than the rest of the instructions, but they do it anyway. They sneak it into the living room, where Michelle's club meets, but nothing happens.

When they head back into the basement, they find that the orange stuff in the beaker is suddenly a blob. Colin accidentally pours it onto the table and it starts going everywhere. After touching it with his bare hands, Al uses paper towels to grab the ooze and move it into a trunk. He does notice that it keeps breaking off into tiny balls before rolling back together. Chester also gets the ooze on his paws and he suddenly becomes stupid. The cat can't remember any tricks and barely remembers to use the litter box.

The next day, Al feels a little different. He puts his shoes on the wrong feet, can't remember basic things, and just plain feels groggy. He gets in trouble at school for not paying attention, and the school bully, Eric, goes off on him for giving him a wrong answer. His haze gets even worse the next day, and Eric makes him do his homework, but he can't remember how to add or multiply. Eric decides to beat him up and follows him after school. He manages to get away by hiding on Fear Street, but then he realizes that he's lost. Colin finds him and it turns out that he's only a few blocks from his house.

Al knows that something happened with the ooze but no one wants to listen. Michelle wins some big prize, and his parents decide that he's just acting out, so they make him stay home while they go out to celebrate. He puts some of the ooze in a container to take to his science teacher for help. During a meeting of the Science Bowl, the other members see it and start playing with it, and they get pissed because he flips out.

On the day of the Science Bowl, no one can remember even the most basic of questions. Al gets the only correct answer, which is one that his family tested him on that morning. Everyone gets in trouble, and the school cancels the event because they think the kids were all just goofing around. He and Colin finally decide that they need to confront the ooze.

The ooze is now one huge mass that rises up from the trunk and becomes a 12-foot tall blob. It reveals that it comes from an alien race that needs smart brains to survive. They slipped themselves into science kits because they assumed that the kids would go to smart kids. It takes Chester's brain and attacks Tubby, taking his brain too.

The blob comes after Al and actually manages to get his head in its mouth before it starts convulsing and seemingly dies. Al watches as its brain goes from really big to teeny, tiny, and he realizes that it's because it tried to take Tubby's brain and the dog is so stupid that it killed the blog. The two boys celebrate by stuffing it back into the trunk, dragging the trunk outside, and burying it in his backyard.

A few days later, he and his family are outside spending time together. Michelle notices some weird orange blobs in the yard, and he tells her not to touch them because they might be toxic. His parents agree but she grabs a handful anyway, and Al points out that his sister was always too smart for her own good.

*His parents are insane! They let Michelle create a literal bomb that explodes when he walks down the stairs to introduce him to the chemistry set, yet they won't let him play with it.

*While in his "stupid" state, Al actually walks face first into a glass door because he can't remember how to open it.

*Al says that Tubby no longer has a brain because the ooze took it, but Chester is suddenly fine, remembers all of his tricks, and is learning some new ones. The ooze ate both their brains, so why is Tubby the only one who got screwed?

*You know what's awesome? When you give a kid a birthday gift and then tell him he can't touch it for days/weeks. Oh, and when he does touch it, you yell at him for potentially messing things up. Nice.

*Ghosts of Fear Street make me a little sad. There's only one mention of Fear Street, and Al mentions in passing that his sister goes to Shadyside High School. Stine could have set this series anywhere.

Sweet Valley Twins #15: The Older Boy

I can't believe I haven't recapped this yet! It's so full of ridiculousness!

Jessica and Lila are at the roller skating rink, and Jessica meets this cute older boy named Josh. Lila points out that he is way too older for her, but she decides to just lie to him and say that she's a freshman at Sweet Valley High. Since Josh is obviously a moron, he decides that she must be telling the truth, so he agrees to go out with her that weekend, and she asks him to pick her up at her friend's house.

Jessica manages to steal Elizabeth's best dress because a navy blue cotton dress with sandals is oh-so-elegant for a first date. Josh picks her up at Lila's house for a double date with his best friend Sam and his girlfriend Melanie. Since Melanie is a freshman, she keeps asking Jess about school, and they all think it's a little odd that she can't answer them.

They go to the Dairi Burger for dinner, and Jessica sees a little heart that someone drew with Josh and Anita inside. Since there obviously can't be two guys with the same name in the same town, she realizes that it's her Josh and his ex-girlfriend. Caroline Pearce sees them together and comes over to say hi, but Jess acts like she doesn't know her, even when she uses her name! The others want to go see an R-rated movie, but Jessica doesn't have a fake ID so they wind up at another movie. She thinks it went bad, but Josh gives her a kiss and asks her out on a second date.

Elizabeth and Amy are at the mall when Josh comes up and starts talking to her. After he leaves, Amy says that he used to date Caroline’s older sister Anita. Elizabeth realizes that he thought she was Jessica so she rushes home to talk to her twin. Jessica swears that they are just friends and that he's the same age as Steven.

Caroline naturally tells everyone what she saw, and it comes back to Liz. She confronts Jessica again and she just plays dumb. Liz knows that they made plans for that weekend and she calls her on it. Jessica lies, saying that she's going to Kerry Glenn's family cabin that weekend and that he was just going to call her on the phone. Elizabeth eventually finds out his actual age and Jess plays dumb again. She says that she had no idea of his age and that she would never have gone out with him if she did. She actually convinces Elizabeth that he lied to her about his age, and Liz totally buys it. When he calls that night, Jessica promises to break things off with him, but just makes plans for the weekend.

There's so big random circus coming to town that weekend and the Wakefields always go together. Ned waited too long to get tickets and it sold out. When he finally does get tickets, he learns that Jessica already has plans for the weekend, and Steven is going to the circus with some random girl he likes. Jessica throws such a hissy fit that Ned agrees to take her somewhere special the next weekend.

Alice actually acts like a parent in this one and refuses to let Jessica go to the cabin unless she talks to Kerry's mom. She convinces Lila to call and pretend to be her, and because Alice is a complete moron, she totally buys it. Jessica then goes over to Lila's house to spend the weekend.

Josh picks her up for their date and heads to pick up his cousin Megan before picking up her date. It turns out that her date is Steven. Jessica briefly thinks about making a run for it, but decides to stick it out. Josh then lets her know that he still has feelings for Anita but that he still wants to go through with their date. Jessica volunteers to go home but he refuses.

Steven comes outside and is shocked to see his sister. He teases her throughout the night but agrees to keep her secret. Jessica finds Anita crying in the bathroom and tells her that Josh is still in love with her. Anita comes over to see them and they're so smitten with each other that Jessica tries to sneak away. She runs into her parents and Liz and part of the story comes out in front of Josh. Steven convinces their parents to go on home and he'll bring Jessica back later.

Jessica tells Josh the whole story and he feels a little stupid. He confesses that he did something similar, stealing his dad's car when he was thirteen and lying to the cop who pulled him over. He tells her that she's a sweet kid and drops her off at home. Ned and Alice flip out but let her off pretty easy with just a grounding. Hell, she even gets to call Lila and tell her what happened.

The best part is that the rumor mill starts flying at SMS. The story Caroline spreads is that Jessica and Josh were hopelessly in love but that she sacrificed herself so he could go back to his ex. Naturally, she gets even more popular because she's the first Unicorn to date such an older guy.

*Really Josh, really? I feel like doing the whole "Really with Seth and Amy" from SNL right now. Look at that cover! She screams jail bait!

*Josh says that LILA looks young, and Jessica is all like, "oh yeah she's my friend but she's waaaay immature," and Josh is all like, "yeah, I can totally see that." Moron.

*There's no mention of anyone using a fake ID until Jessica brings it up. I so remember the days when anyone could get into an R-rated movie without the clerks checking.

*I know Josh is new to the dating world but telling your date that you are still in love with your ex is a no-no.

*Josh very clearly kisses Jessica at least twice in this book, but then we get a whole super special about her first kiss.

*I love Lila! When Jessica calls and says that she isn't coming back, Lila's mind immediately goes to a dirty place.

*This is the book where Jessica basically gives the gear shift a hand job while staring into Josh's eyes. Creepy.

*Lila assumes that Josh will take Jessica to all these romantic places like four-star restaurants and order fancy meals. I remember being in sixth grade and thinking that high school dates were actually like that.

*The rumor around school doesn't really make sense. If they were so much in love, why would he still have feelings for his ex?

*Steven actually agrees to meet his parents at the circus so they can meet his new girl, which seems out of character for him.

*When Josh finds out the truth, he realizes that's why he never saw her at SVH. Really Josh, really? You didn't think about maybe, possibly asking someone about the hot girl you're dating?

*Josh lies to his friends and says that she's 15 when she told him she was 14. He also thinks that 14 is too young to date, which makes it even worse that he doesn't figure out that she's younger.

The Baby-Sitters Club #126: The All-New Mallory Pike

Aw, how sad, Mallory is getting the hell out of Stoneybrook. She is about to head to Riverbend Hall, a boarding school for girls. She only has a few more days left in town, so she naturally attends a BSC meeting. Kristy refers to it as her last meeting, which makes her cry. The girls present her with a certificate that acknowledges her as an honorary member of the club. When it comes time to leave, Jessi and Claudia walk her home. It turns out that they planned her a surprise party. All of the BSC members, including Logan and Shannon, are waiting at the house, as are some of her charges.

The next day, she has breakfast with her family and tries to stop thinking that it's the last time she'll do it. Jessi comes over to say goodbye and help her carry her things to her car before she stays behind to watch the Pike kids with Mary Anne. Mallory naturally loves her new school from the first time that she sees it. She even makes a new friend and realizes that she feels more comfortable there.

The only downside is that her new roommate didn't make any room for her. She used up the entire closet, took over the entire shared dresser, and hung pictures all over all of the walls. Mallory thinks she can deal with it until she actually meets Alexis. Alexis gives her a list of room rules, which include study time every afternoon. Mallory kind of just ignores her because she made a new group of friends. Sarah is a super theatrical (and annoying actress) type, and Jen is a sweet and normal girl.

Alexis constantly oversteps her boundaries though. She sees Mallory writing in her diary, and she later comes home to find Alexis sitting on her bed and reading it. She points out that she didn't write anything interesting. Ooh, burn. She later comments on how Mal thought one of her teachers was cute while sitting in his class, and she makes a comment in class that she lifted right out of her journal. She also wears her clothes without asking and wears her favorite earrings, which were a gift from Jessi.

Instead of doing anything about it, Mallory whines to her new friends about Alexis. Sarah reveals that Alexis had problems with two other roommates this year alone. One girl wound up leaving school due to those problems and the death of a loved one, while her other roommate, Jen, moved into a single room. Jen tells her that she knows all about her silly rules, which is part of why she left.

Mal finally talks to her prefect, who basically suggests that they just work things out. She offers a few suggestions, but she really just wants them to talk. Mallory tries, and Alexis acts like she's the wronged party. She clears off the dresser and offers her more space, and then says that Mallory still won't be happy. The BSC sends her a care package with cookies and pictures they took at a recent meeting. She comes home one day to find that Alexis ate all of the cookies and completely destroyed her pictures.

She immediately goes to the prefect and shows her their room. Alexis tries to apologize, but the woman decides that they finally need to sit down and discuss the issue. The meeting does nothing because Alexis keeps saying that it's all Mal's fault. According to her, Mallory never gave her a chance and sought out other friends as soon as she got there. She storms out of the meeting and starts trashing the room.

Sarah sees it happen and runs for Pam (the prefect). Jen is one of the girls helping her clean up, and Pam later suggests that they give Alexis the single room and move Jen into their room. Mallory says she couldn't ask someone to do that, and Pam says that she'll do it. A few hours later, Jen appears at her door and calls her roomie. Mallory later talks about how nice it is to share a room with a true friend and how well they get along.

The B-plot starts as soon as Mallory leaves. Vanessa thinks that she can keep their room, but the triplets think they deserve it. All hell breaks loose anytime someone sits there because the kids constantly fight over the room. Byron doesn't really seem to care, but Nicky is so upset that he chains himself to his bed. When they realize that Vanessa is lonely and keeps sneaking into Claire and Margo's room, they finally reach a compromise. The three girls (and Mallory's bed) will move into the boys' big room, Nickey and Byron will love into Margo and Claire's old room, and Adam and Jordan get Mallory's old room.

*All of the school buildings are named after famous women, which is a cute idea.

*Mallory takes a French class, and she mentions that she's completely lost and doesn't understand it because everyone speaks French. Um, wouldn't they test her for something like that? I'm assuming that the school would offer a beginner level class for someone who isn't ready for an advanced class like that.

*The Pikes actually call Mallory to ask if it's okay to move her bed, which is sweet given that she won't really be home much.

*The school knew that Mallory previously lived with someone, which is why they put her with Alexis. They figured if anyone could handle her, it was Mallory.

*The problem with this book is that nothing changes. The spaz girl nickname stuck with her because she never stood up for herself. In this book, she's still willing to just sit back and take whatever Alexis throws at her.

*I'm not sure why it took the school so long to give Alexis her own room. She already had problems with two girls, so your best solution is to keep throwing her into a room with another girl?

*I read one of the older books a few weeks ago that was updated with Ann's notes in the back. She says that they contemplated sending Mallory to boarding school before, but they decided that fans of the series would miss her too much.

*Were her problems at SMS really that bad? There are several later books that I can think of where it was a Mallory story and there was no mention of her getting teased. Plus, I think that showing kids how to stand up for themselves and fight back against teasing/bullying might be a better option than showing kids running away to another school.

*Mallory naturally gets to take fun classes that she could never take at SMS like creative writing classes. Oh wait, she totally took that class at SMS.

*Hey Mallory, I know that Riverbend is oh so cool, but you do still need to take gym. It's one of those classes that you can't ever really escape. Then again, when she mentions her schedule, there is absolutely no mention of a gym or physical education class.

*All of the girls have to do volunteer work as a service requirement. Mallory naturally works at the library, baby-sitting kids during story time. Of course she does.

*I love when people comment that boarding school was a better choice for Mallory because she wouldn't get teased as much. I don't care what school you go to, there are cliques everywhere! Given that Mallory apparently had no friends until she met Jessi and joined the BSC, I find it hard to believe that she could make friends so quickly at a new school.

*In fact, I think she would have even more problems at a school like this. Riverbend comes across as one of those rich schools where people with money spend their kids. Even her friend Smita mentions that her family moved around quite a bit. Mallory's family doesn't have the money to send her on fancy spring break trips, and she probably doesn't even have money to go to the movies on Friday night with the other girls.

*Her math class bakes corn muffins for the whole school as a teaching/learning exercise. What the hell are they learning? This sounds like something you would do in third grade, not sixth grade.

Sweet Valley High #88: Love Letters for Sale

Jessica needs to make some fast cash. Not only did she put a CD player for the Jeep on layaway, but she also wants to redecorate her room and get Sam a killer gift for his birthday. Elizabeth wouldn't mind some extra cash either because she wants to get Todd a warm up jacket to thank him for all the nice stuff he does for her. After hearing Lila and Amy whine about writing some letters, she comes up with a new business idea.

Jess asks Liz to help her write letters as a new business plan. Jessica will do all of the leg work, and Liz will write the actual letters. They hang fliers all over town, and Steven even takes some back to college. The way it works is that someone sends them the information and $5. They write the letter and send it back to the person so they can send it along to whoever needs it.

The first few letters are easy. Someone wants them to write a letter to their neighbor because the woman stole her cat, and someone else wants a birthday letter to his father because they're having some problems after his parents' divorce. Then they start getting some rougher letters. Some woman wants them to tell her husband she left town and is never coming back, stuff like that.

While all of this is going on, Shelly Novack pops up to reveal that she's having problems with her boyfriend Jim. He's so busy working on the paper and the yearbook that he never has time for her. Todd starts showing up to all the basketball games to support the girls' team, and he usually ends up talking to Shelly. She wonders if she has feelings for him, and asks the twins' business to write a letter for her.

Since she uses their real names, Jessica immediately flips out. She calls Steven for advice and he suggests that she tell Liz the truth. Instead, she rewrites the letters to take out all of the identifying information and gives that letter to Liz. Liz writes a long and romantic letter that makes Jessica wince, and she ends the letter by asking the guy out on a date.

Naturally, Todd starts feeling lonely and wondering why Liz never comes around anymore. She doesn't want him to know about the business because she wants the jacket to be a surprise, so she just keeps telling him that she's swamped with work. She doesn't do a good job of it either. She'll make plans with him and cancel an hour beforehand, or she'll call him the night before and say she doesn't have time for him.

He plans an elaborate date at home, and she once again cancels at the last minute. Shelly stops by and he invites her to join him for a movie. They have fun, and Shelly wonders if he really likes her. Todd gets her letter, and he wonders if maybe he and Liz are at a dead end. He writes to the company, asking them to write two letters: one to accept a date with Shelly and one to cool things down with Liz.

Jessica once again rewrites the letter and passes it along. Liz writes the letters, and Jessica thinks that she can grab them before the mail runs, but they literally run into the mailman and Liz hands them over. She then dresses up like Liz and tries to get the mailman to give her the letter back, which he refuses to do.

Liz gets the letter from Todd and absolutely flips out. She is so mad that she cries for days and doesn't even want to look at the jacket that just arrived in the mail. Todd and Shelly go on their date, but within the first five minutes, Shelly realizes that she misses Jim. They decide that they should just be friends and focus more on their own relationships.

Jessica explains to Todd what happened. Actually, Todd hangs out at the post office where they rented a box and kind of attacks her when she walks in LOL. She tries to talk to Liz but she doesn't want to hear it. Todd finally writes to the company again, and she agrees to give the letter to her sister. Liz is so happy that he still loves her that she writes him the letter he wants and delivers it with his new jacket.

Todd tells her that he loves her and that he loves the jacket. He makes her wear it and says that he won't wear it until he can buy her a matching one. A few weeks later, they walk around school in their matching jackets and everyone oohs and ahs about how they started a new trend. Oh, and Shelly talks to Jim and they write out a list of activities that they can try together so they can start spending more time together as a couple.

*This is all supposed to be anonymous, so how the heck do they hang dozens of fliers without anyone seeing them?

*Todd gets annoyed because Liz says that she's busy having plans with Jess, but then Jess goes to a concert with Sam. She acts all indigent that Todd would dare to doubt her, but she doesn't even bother to explain to him what happened. I guess he should just read her mind.

*How early does the mail run in Sweet Valley? The mailman stops by the house before the twins leave for school, which has to be at least 8 am if not earlier. On a good day, our mail gets here by 11, and I've never lived anywhere where my mail came before 9 am.

*When Liz writes the letter for Todd to send her, she thinks it's ridiculous that anyone would ignore such a great guy. Liz, I would like you to meet pot, pot, Liz.

*There's a throwback to the Soap Star book. Jessica and Sam go to a Bill something concert, the guy she met while working on the show. Apparently, she made such an impression after ONE meeting that he gives her free backstage passes.

*Jessica redecorate the Hershey Bar in this one, deciding to use a silver and purple color scheme.

*Liz really is a total bitch in this book. She keeps saying that Todd has no reason to doubt her because she obviously doesn't remember cheating on him so many times.

*I would say that this book is dated because people actually pay the twins to write their letters, but I actually worked for a company that wrote emails for people.

*Todd buys a deli meat and cheese platter, sparkling apple cider, and a cheesecake for their movie date. Not only did I never date this type of guy in high school but I never did as an adult either.

*Despite advertising everywhere, the only two SVH people who respond are Shelly and Todd. Would no one else really need them?

*Liz worries that they might need to hire on some new people or raise their prices, which is funny because they stop their new business after this book.

*Liz keeps saying that Todd should understand her predicament, but she never explains it to him. Seriously, how many teen girls blow off their boyfriends for two weeks because of homework and writing for the school paper.

*The Oracle is ridiculous anyway. Jim's photos get ruined, so he has to do a rush job, take new photos, and immediately process them. They act like the paper would be ruined if they didn't have pictures of a basketball game.

Sweet Valley High #119: Jessica's Older Guy

Jessica and Zach, the college junior she started dating at SVU, are out at a restaurant when she sees Magda come in with some Thetas. Since she knows that Magda wants to date Zach, she needs to come up with an excuse to get them out of there without anyone seeing. She pretends that she smells smoke and convinces him to climb out the window of the woman's restroom. Zach asks if she's interested in someone else, and she gets around the issue by saying that she isn't interested in anyone in college since Ken is in high school.

Jessica then discovers that Liz plans to take her GED and stay at Sweet Valley University. After some thought, Jessica agrees that she'll stay too. Liz calls home and tells Todd, who is heartbroken at the thought of a long-distance relationship. Jessica calls Ken and he seems equally upset, but mainly because he heard it from Todd long before she bothered to call.

Part of the reason why Elizabeth wants to stay is because she got an internship at the school newspaper, which goes out across the country. The editor in chief turns out to be one of those gold old boys who treats Elizabeth like a (gasp) actual intern! He has her get coffee, answer the phones, make copies, send faxes, and all that other stuff that interns do. She fully expects to get assignments and actually write for the school paper, but he wants her to act like an intern.

Elizabeth decides to do the responsible thing and bitch like a baby to her twin all the time. She goes back, I believe twice, and he treats her the same way every time. After he dares to ask her to send a fax and get him coffee in a 10-minute span, she flips her shit. She quits, accuses him of sexual harassment, and storms off, thinking about her next article on harassment in the workplace.

Magda turns really cold towards Jessica because she saw her with Zach. Jessica decides to throw Liz under the bus. She claims that she was with Billie and Steven that night, and that her twin is the manipulative, crazy, pyscho, boy-loving one. Magda immediately changes her tune and offers to help Jessica find a date for the upcoming formal.

Jessica decides that they can do a twin switch. Elizabeth refuses, but eventually decides to go along with her plan. They pick out a sweet rose colored dress for Jessica to wear so Magda will think that she's Liz. Liz gets stuck with some velvet halter dress so everyone will think that she's Jess.

While all of this is going on, the gang back in Sweet Valley decide to try a little reverse psychology on the twins. Enid acts like she'll be the smartest girl in school and asks if she can take over Liz's column in the paper, and Lila says that she'll now be the best dressed and best looking girl in school. Alice calls to congratulate them, but lets it slip that she's sad they will miss their prom, graduation, and living in a freshman dorm. Billie and Steven get in on it, treating them to a disgusting breakfast of tofu and other natural food, saying that they need to eat like this to compensate for pulling three or four all nighters every week.

The gang heads up on the same night as the formal. While everyone sets things up, Todd and Ken sneak into the frat house. Todd sees who he thinks is Liz dancing and looking happy with another guy and rushes off, while Ken sees Liz dressed as Jessica and realizes who the real Jessica is and rushes off. Magda, meanwhile, reveals to Liz that Zach is actually still in high school.

The guys make a huge scene before running away. Magda glides up to tell Jessica the truth and thank her for saving herself from going after a younger man. She also takes the time to tell Liz, who she thinks is Jess, that she should be nicer to her sister and Liz is welcome to pledge Theta house. Jessica and Zach explode on each other, and he reveals that he was taking a few classes at college and his brother thought it would be fun to pass him off as a college junior. They eventually laugh about it, and Jessica realizes that she misses Ken.

The twins go back to the apartment and find all of their friends waiting. They watch a massive slideshow and realize what they're up too. At the end, they both decide to go back to Sweet Valley High and wait for college. Liz and Todd make up because she actually didn't do anything wrong this time. Jessica chases Ken down, who is about to drive away. She apologizes, confesses that she wanted to try something different, and tells him that she loves him. He makes her promise to never cheat on him again, and they make up too.

*Out of curiosity, I looked up national college newspapers and didn't find a whole lot of information. Are there really college newspapers that go out across the country?

*What did Liz really expect that she would do? On big college papers, freshmen usually wind up making copies and doing basic research, if that. She thinks that because she has a small amount of experience, she should get to work as a writer right away.

*I would really love for Liz to write about the harassment that she suffered and then get bitch slapped by one of the other college journalists. Granted, he acted condescending at times, but he gave her the same assignments that interns do all of the time. Hell, it's basically the same thing she did at the Sweet Valley paper.

*Once again, an unrealistic date. Zach makes a picnic lunch of brie cheese, bread, grapes, and pasta salad, and they sit on the quad and listen to jazz music. If you did this at my college, people would have given you dirty looks for getting in their way.

*Multiple guys hit on Jessica while she's sitting on the quad, which skeeves me out. There's no way that she looks old enough to be in college, and it just seems creepy.

*The halter dress that Liz wears is so short that she has to keep smoothing it down over her UPPER THIGHS. Why would anyone let her out of the house in that dress? Plus, as a college graduate, I have to say that this is not appropriate for a college formal. At all.

*SVU is now two hours away from Sweet Valley. Yup, that totally makes sense.

*Zach is all shocked that Jessica never went to Atlantic City because he thinks she went to Princeton. Why? Given the grade she told him that she was in, she's still only 20 and I thought most casinos banned anyone under 21.

*They serve champagne at the formal, which whatever. However, Jessica and Liz are there and they both drink champagne. Does the frat and sorority really want to lose their charters?

*It's awfully convenient that Jessica never thought about Ken or missed him until five minutes before he showed up at the formal.

*Jessica and Liz talk about finding an apartment together when they start classes. I guess my school was different because you couldn't live off-campus unless you were a junior or older or you lived with family. Plus, I don't know a whole lot of schools that let freshman live off campus, and they would enter college as freshmen.

*It's also very clearly the middle of the semester, so I don't know what they were thinking. It's not like they could just drop out of high school, take the GED, and immediately start classes. They would at least have to wait until the summer session.

*Poor stupid Liz. She couldn't even cut it skipping one grade in middle school, but now she thinks that she's mature enough to handle college.

*I like that they tossed in some characters from SVU like Magda. There's also a few mentions of Tom Watts in his Wildman Watts days, playing quarterback for the team.

*Billie points out that Jessica can't try our for the cheerleading team at SVU until next year, and it upsets her. I find it hard to believe that it never crossed her mind.

*Liz goes to a coffeeshop with Ian, her new buddy, and some of his friends. It turns into one of those grand "debates" that rich college kids seem to have and they totally look down on her for not knowing what they are talking about. It's actually pretty funny because they come across as those kids who learn everything from books and have no practical knowledge. They ream her for talking about capitalism while suggesting that communism is better and hey, you get some freedom with communism. Sure.

*Reading through these books now, I wonder why we were supposed to empathize with Jessica so much. She tells Ken that she loves him and will never cheat on him. Guess what happens in the next book? Oh that's right, she falls in love with someone completely different.

Goosebumps Series 2000 #14: Jekyll and Heidi

Heidi's parents died, and I actually feel sorry for her because she's pretty down at the start of the book. She had to move across the country to live with her Uncle Jekyll, and all she really remembers about him is that she once asked if he was Frankenstein because he has a fully stocked lab and works as a scientist.

After she gets off the train, she notices that her uncle isn't there to pick her up. She does meet a young man from town named Aaron. He tells her about a creature that keeps attacking the village, and he makes it clear that no one likes her family. When she asks for help getting there, he gives her some directions. He also makes it clear that he has no interest in walking her home or going anywhere near the house.

Heidi sets off and finds the house pretty fast. Her cousin Marianna rushes out and warns her to leave and get out. Before she can elaborate, the housekeeper comes out, welcomes her, and shows her to her room. Marianna keeps telling her to leave her uncle alone because he's a busy man and always working, but Heidi goes down to his lab anyway. He seems excited to see her, but like Marianna said, he's super busy.

Dinner time is always odd at the house. Marianna and her dad barely talk, and when they do, it almost seems like they talk in code. One night, Heidi hears screams coming from the village. When she looks outside, she runs into her uncle who says that he didn't hear anything. She goes into town the next day and finds the village ripped apart. She screams that it wasn't her uncle, and a reporter demands that she take them into the house. A group of locals grab her and throw her around, saying that her family is filled with creatures. Aaron manages to save her, telling the crowd that she's new and doesn't know anything.

At dinner, her uncle asks Marianna if she plans to go into town and she just shrugs. Heidi finds it odd because she hasn't yet seen her cousin leave the house. While wandering around later that night, she accidentally finds an old journal hidden in a secret area of the bookcase. It's filled with notes from someone who keeps changing into a creature. She thinks that it might be the journal of the original Hyde and gets pretty excited.

Heidi eventually starts questioning her uncle and wondering is he is the creature. She sneaks into his lab and sees him drink a bunch of potions and start changing before running out of the lab. He also locks her in her room one night, and she later catches him listening to her on the phone.

This all leads up to the creature attacking the town again. Heidi goes outside, and the creature turns and attacks her. Jekyll comes running up to help her. He grabs the creature and it slowly transforms into Marianna. He explains that she got bit by a weird fairy creature on vacation and she's changed every night since then. He keeps working on different potions to save her.

The villagers all attack and set fire to the house, but they make it into the lab. Jekyll has an escape route that will lead them away from the house and to safety. Heidi tells them to go along while she runs upstairs and finds the journal. She manages to grab it just in time for the villagers to grab her and drag her outside. Aaron saves the day again, and he manages to pull her away from the crowd.

Heidi goes to stay with Aaron's family until they can find some more of her family. She decides to tell him about the journal, and while flipping through it, he finds a page that says it's Marianna's journal. It turns out that she just used an old journal to record her feelings about becoming a creature. When Heidi gets to the last page, she swallows hard and blinks it shock. The last page reveals that Marianna watched her sleep one night and bit her on the shoulder.

*Yeah so that Marianna twist was not a real twist. Marianna is constantly sneaking around and dropping cryptic comments that show she's the creature early on.

*Aaron is such a random character. It's not like they hang out or anything. She meets him at the station, and then she doesn't see him again until he needs to save her. God forbid a girl be able to save herself.

*The first few pages actually are pretty sad! Heidi starts talking about how she cries every time she thinks about her parents, how she has really dark periods because of their deaths, etc.

*This book is so outdated even for the late 90s. The townspeople hated Jekyll as soon as he moved there because they knew he was trouble just based on his name.

*The image of people driving cars up the hill to torch an old house made me giggle.