Sweet Valley High #102: Almost Married

This is a stupid name for the book because Liz and Todd are nothing like married couples, except for the fighting and lack of sex. Hmm….

Well Todd comes up with a great plan that if both sets of their parents are out of town at the same time, they should stay together and Liz agrees. His parents are in Colorado, Ned heads off on a law retreat and Alice heads back to Chicago with Hank. Liz decides that she has to ask Jess for permission first (right, like Jess doesn’t owe her a shitload of times) and Jess agrees, but only if they act as her slaves, cooking and cleaning. Liz doesn’t want to, but Todd kind of forces her into the plan.

Of course Liz decides to keep it a big secret from everyone because a scandal like this could ruin her reputation. Uh, didn’t she just get out of prison like two books ago? Jess ends up telling Lila and then some other friends, Todd tells a bunch of his friends and Liz tells Enid so by the second day, everyone at school pretty much knows the deal.

The whole living together thing doesn’t go as well as expected. Todd thinks they’ll spend all this time together, but Liz keeps blowing him off. She’s actually a terrible girlfriend in this book (go figure). After two days together, she gets sick of being around him so she hides in the bathroom or library to avoid him, she whines when he wants to do stuff she doesn’t and she keeps blowing him off for Bruce, without explaining why. Jess finally tells him about Alice/Hank and Liz gets pissed off when he tries to be supportive. What is so great about these two?

Liz and Bruce go through the stuff in his attic, looking for more proof about their parents and find Alice’s rings in an old trunk. Then they go up to Sweet Valley University to do research on their parents. All they find is that Alice was involved in a sit-in, Hank dropped food on the building and they fell in love, but this somehow convinces them that their parents are sleeping together.

Bruce starts coming over to their house all the time, nudging Todd out of the way, which is completely Liz’s fault. He brings home stuff for a romantic dinner and she invites Bruce to stay, then tells Jess to invite Lila over too. If Todd had genitals, he’s totally be getting cock blocked right now.

Liz and Bruce almost kiss, but stop themselves. Then somehow they decide to throw a big pool party on Saturday night, even though Todd and Liz made plans because it was their last night together. They start planning for the party and Todd turns into Martha Stewart, suggesting they make fruit salad in a carved watermelon.

The party arrives and Pamela confronts Bruce because she feels neglected. There’s a whole section in the book where he talks about how Pamela made him a better person and is the first girl since Regina that he truly loved, but then he ignores her to spend time with Liz. Pamela breaks up with him when he admits that he has feelings for Liz and then he meets Liz in the kitchen. They start making out, just as Todd walks in and catches them.

Liz decides that the best way to get over the awkwardness is by diving into the swimming pool, but she jumps too high (which I didn’t think was possible), jumps into the pool and gets knocked unconscious. Now there’s like 1600 people at the party, but no one does a thing, which I think says a lot about how students at Sweet Valley High feel about the twins.

Todd hears the commotion, runs out to the pool and saves Liz. Bruce sees them kissing and feels stupid because (a) he lost Pamela and (b) no one can ever come between Liz and Todd. Alice shows up just in time to find the party going in full swing and Todd comforting Liz in her bedroom. She freaks out, but then Liz jumps down her throat about Hank and Alice feels so bad that she lets them off the hook, makes them find Bruce and then sits everyone down.

She explains that she was engaged to Hank in college and met Ned, but she could never get him out of her head. She and Hank weren’t meant to be together so after they had pictures taken on their wedding day, she raced off. Bruce is shocked that his dad got stood up at the altar, but also feels bad about his parents. The whole group decides to band together and come up with a plan to get his parents back together, Alice included…