Sweet Valley University #30: Beauty and the Beach

I really hate that these little mini-series come out of nowhere, don’t follow the other books in the series and mention characters that don’t exist outside the lifeguard world.

So Liz, Jessica and Nina are all going back to Sweet Valley Shore to lifeguard. Liz keeps thinking about Ryan and wondering if he’s coming back. Nina wants nothing to do with men at all because Bryan cheated on her. Jess is all wrapped up in thoughts of Ben, despite the fact that they haven’t talked in months. She’s sure he’ll still love her though.

Jessica sees Ben and they do a little flirting, but he acts kind of distant and she totally doesn’t pick up on it. He tells her that he has to help a friend get ready for the summer. I love how in the last series, everyone had to come early and try out for the team, even those who did it before. In this book, everyone who worked last summer has a spot already. Then we’re treated to a Liz and Ryan makeout scene.

Winston pops up and goes to see Wendy. She and Pedro are now totally in love and married, but he’s gone for the summer on yet another tour. She’s staying in his mansion for the summer and asks Winston to move in. okay, why is she not touring with him? She has no job and no responsibilities and it’s implied that she’s still in school, which means they haven’t had time together. Don’t bitch about him not being around, if you’re not willing to make an effort!

Jessica meets this new lifeguard Miranda, who lives with two other newbies: Theo and Priya. She suggests Jess tap Theo, but she tells her that she already has a boyfriend and starts in about Ben. Priya then turns up and starts kissing Ben. Turns out that they started dating in school and she came to the shore to be with him.

Nina takes out an inner tube for the day because she needs to get away from everything. Basically she sees Ben kissing someone and thinks he’s a cheat too. Of course she doesn’t blame Jessica, who was totally with Nick by this point and never even called Ben to see if he was coming that summer or if he still liked her. She falls asleep and washes up on a deserted beach.

A good portion of the book seems to revolve around Jessica and Ben. She’s totally destroyed by his new relationship and decides she wants him back. Miranda is on her side because Priya is a bitch. Actually I kind of am too, until Ben turns into a dick. Ben basically goes out of his way to show how smart they are and how stupid Jessica is. He makes fun of her for not knowing Russian authors and basically calls her a bimbo.

Nina meets this guy Stu, who’s also kind of a dick. He’s super laidback, does yoga and acts like he knows everything about meditation and spirituality. I know the writer set it up for him to be a mysterious, hot guy, but it really turns me off. He completely takes care of her, until she’s ready to leave his island.

Liz and Ryan go to dinner at Patti’s house, his AA sponsor. Patti wanders out of the kitchen with a beer and offers one to the group. Liz is all freaked out because Ryan can’t drink, her hubby won’t drink around her and she thinks Patti bought it for her. When everyone turns her down, she opens it and drinks it herself.

Ryan tells Liz that Patti started drinking a few weeks ago, but it’s not a big deal. She thinks that if she can drink in moderation, it’s fine. Yes that’s true, but alcoholics can’t drink in moderation! The next day, they come across a group of guys drinking on the beach, which isn’t allowed. Liz, who doesn’t want him around alcohol at all, gets all pissed when he won’t help her carry off the beer.

Stu starts calling Nina his little mermaid and being all sweet, but she hates men. He shows up at the beach and she blows him off and yet he still won’t give up. She gets jealous when another woman hits on him. Then she sees him rebuff the girl because his heart belongs to someone else and kind of melts a little. When she rescues a swimmer, Stu leaves her a sweet note and she feels even better.

Liz goes off on Ryan about the drinking and he doesn’t want to talk to her because she doesn’t get it. She really doesn’t get it. She thinks that she understands it because she snuck into one AA meeting, but she has no clue. He gets kind of pissed at her and yet they still make a date.

Jessica decides to read Crime and Punishment because she thinks it will make Ben love her again. Of course Priya realizes what she’s doing and makes her look like an ass. She makes up a bunch of stuff in the book and gets Jess to fall for it. Then Ben just laughs it off. I’m sorry, but (a) what kind of guy does that shit? Even if he doesn’t care about Jess anymore, he still has to share a house with her! And (b) who wants to be with a bitchy girl like that? She must give awesome head.

The book starts nearing the end. Winston goes to work at an ice cream shop, but he’s forced to wear a stupid ice cream cone costume. A group of kids bully him and Jessica has to save his ass. Then Nina runs off and makes out with Stu. Jessica gets close to saving a group of drowning kids, but Priya trips her (on purpose) and then takes all the credit. Winston gets arrested and when Wendy bails him out, she tells him that she’s filing for divorce.

Jessica is super pissed about what happened and gets into a huge fight with Priya at the house. Priya starts making all this literary references and brings up Dangerous Liaisons. Out of nowhere, Jessica picks up a mistake she made and totally calls her on it. Turns out that she watched the movie and retained more information. Ben agrees with her and kind of shows her some respect, which pisses Priya off.

Liz is getting ready for her hot date with Ryan and has just enough time to get her hair done. She looks at her watch and realizes that the steam from the salon broke it and she’s now runni9ng late. She gets in the car (with wet hair!) and gets halfway there, when her car breaks down. She finds a payphone, but of course it’s broken. Wasn’t this book like 1996 or 1998? Why doesn’t she have a cell phone? Anyway, Ryan is waiting for her at the restaurant and thinks she stood him up. As Liz cries her eyes out, he starts drinking again. Yeah, blame your drinking on someone else, what a champ.