Sam is a fairly peculiar little kid. He only eats white foods, including Cream of Wheat and mashed potatoes. The only things he ever drinks are milk and Sprite. His best friend Kevin and little sister Lissa invite him over for dinner one night. They tell him they have a big surprise and that their mom is making him macaroni and cheese. My macaroni and cheese never comes out white but whatevs.
The big surprise is that their great Aunt Sylvie is in town. She is cooking when he gets there and tries to get him to taste it. He sees a big ass creature coming at him and tries to run, but the others look at him like it's crazy because she was just making squid stew. Sylvie doesn't believe that he only eats white food and points out that it's strange. More strange is the fact that she believes she can communicate with the dead and that she sleeps on a mat on the floor.
Sam feels something crawling on him while checking out her room and flips out. The others run in and point out that it's just her pet snake. When they finally sit down to dinner, Sylvie keeps staring at him funny. While eating rice pudding, he tastes something spicy and freaks out. She claims that it was just a spice her dead uncle recommended and throws it out. When he asks why she won't eat it, she just says it isn't for her.
Oh, and she also tells him this random story about why it might be a good thing that he doesn't eat everything. There was this kid in a village who only ever ate beets and rice. He and his friends were out in the woods, they found a mysterious bush with red berries on it, and he was the only one who didn't eat. The other kids went home and were so hungry that they ate everything until they exploded.
Sam is pretty pissed about Sylvie’s spices, and I would be too, but everyone else thinks it's funny. He gets hungry in the middle of the night and goes downstairs to make a mayonnaise and white bread sandwich. It tastes pretty good, but when he turns on the light, he realizes that he's eating dishwashing soap on moldy sponges. The next morning, he tries to eat his Cream of Wheat and it's so gross that he spits it out.
Worried that he can't eat anything anymore, he skips lunch. His teacher asks him to make some posters and banners for him by gluing leaves onto poster board. This ends with him eating half of the jar of paste and getting caught by Kevin. After almost passing out while running laps in gym, he can't wait to get home. The only problem is that he finds himself drawn to his dog's food. He just barely stops himself from eating it. Then, he starts working on homework and realizes that he's eating a snack. When he looks down, he sees that he was eating the fleas off his dog's back. Yummy.
Blaming it on Sylvie, he tries to call and yell at her. At first, his voice is too loud and then it's too soft. Then he starts talking so fast that she yells at him and hangs up. It takes some time before his voice goes back to normal. He finally decides that he needs to tell his friends about their aunt and plans to do it at lunch the next day.
Before he can, Sylvie herself shows up. She gives him a paper bag with eyeballs inside, but they're really just stones for his mom to put in some doll. Sylvie then does some mumbo jumbo over him before laughing and leaving. When he tries to tell them what happened, nothing comes out except the names of different dog breeds. Sam finally gets the truth out, but they don't really believe them.
They do come over later that day with plans to take him back to their home and go through Sylvie's books. This seems like a better plan than his, which involved going to a veterinarian since he can't find the address or phone number for his regular doctor in the book. It probably doesn't help that he gets a cut in his hand and starts bleeding blue blood.
On the way to their house, he sees a big tree and can't stop thinking about the leaves. Before his friends can stop them, he starts grabbing the leaves and stuffing them down his throat. They manage to distract him and get him away, but then he starts eating flowers and reaches for a worm to eat too. Lissa tosses her jacket over his head, and they drag him back to their house.
They go through her books and find nothing, though Sam does attempt to eat a jar of face cream. After that, they find Sylvia surrounded by snakes. She claims that she's a witch doctor and then laughs it off as a joke. Sam accuses her of poisoning him or putting a curse on him, but she says it was nothing and that he's fine. She even offers to help, but he goes running from the house.
Once outside, he starts feeling this weird sensation taking over his body and his skin starts swelling. He manages to get home before almost passing out on the ground. His dad finds him and starts talking to his mom about how he must have ate something wrong that short circuited his system and gets out his toolbox. Yup, turns out that our little Sam is a doll, or as his dad says, his mom's "favorite toy."
At the end of the book, he's eating lunch with Kevin when Lissa walks up to their table. She points out that his meatball and ketchup sandwich on rye is disgusting and completely unlike him. Sam points out that he's just another boy, just like Kevin.
Did anyone else have any idea that was coming? There were maybe two or three mentions of his mom making dolls and that it was what she did for a living, but I absolutely did not guess that ending!