Sweet Valley High Super Edition #1: Perfect Summer

How the hell have I gotten this far in this blog without doing this one?? I probably read this book a dozen times or more when I was a kid!

So, it's the first summer in between the twins' junior and senior years. That means they won't confront some serial killer out to get revenge on Ned and that they won't be working in the newspaper office or heading to summer camp. Nah, those come later in the summer?

This is the summer of the long ass bicycle trip. Sweet Valley High planned a trip for 10 kids and two chaperons. Roger Collins and Nora Dalton will be along for the ride. That makes things a wee bit uncomfortable because the two broke up and she's now back with George Fowler. Lila is less than thrilled about this new development. Also along for the ride is Barry, Chrome Dome Cooper's nephew. They all think he might be some super hot guy, but he's actually a nerdy and slightly overweight kid from Ohio.

Here's the way it works: they start out in SV and work their way up to the northern part of the state on bicycle. They'll stay in campgrounds, hostels, and other places along the way with a few nights where they'll have to make their own accommodations. Everyone must agree to carry their own gear and carry a portion of the group gear or food daily too.

One of their first stops is in Los Angeles. Bruce's dad is friends with Steve Thomas, some hot shot Hollywood producer. He offers to let them spend a few days at their palatial spread. Courtney, his daughter, is your classic spoiled rich girl. She barely looks at them when they arrive and immediately puts her sunglasses back on. When her dad asks her to show them around, she acts like it's some huge chore. Her boyfriend, Nolan, then arrives on motorcycle. Courtney hops on the back of his bike in just her bathing suit and takes off.

Poor Steve is at the end of his rope. He tells Nora and Roger all about how he can't control his daughter anymore and how she fell in with the wrong crowd. She – gasp – even started shoplifting. The horror, the horror! They agree to let her join the trip.

It's like a light flips on in her head. Courtney suddenly wants to be the most helpful person in the world. She shows up with freshly baked muffins the next morning, asks for advice about the ride, and even has their chef make them a gourmet dinner. A trace of her old attitude comes out when she learns they eat canned food, but she manages to cover it up. Elizabeth feels a little uncomfortable about the way she looks at Todd though.

That feeling grows as Courtney throws herself at Todd. She's always right by his side and always there to ask him for advice or for help. Liz tries to talk to him about it, but he tells her that Courtney needs a friend and it's no different from her helping Barry. Except for the fact that Barry isn't a ridiculously hot girl! Todd keeps telling Liz that this new girl means nothing and then bending over backwards to help her whenever she needs it.

When Liz brings it up once again, Todd finally sighs and tells her the “true” story. See, Courtney's dad is a huge drunk. He drinks all the time and manages to hide it from everyone but takes out all his frustrations on her. Liz tries to point out that it would be impossible to hide something like that with a job like his, but Todd is all shocked that she would think someone could make that up. It's clear he didn't read the letter Courtney wrote to Nolan about how she would do anything to get back to him and how Todd will help that happen.

Liz wakes up in the middle of the night to the sounds of Courtney crying and worries that she was wrong about her. By the time she tries to comfort her though, Todd is already up. Liz sees the two of them asleep and still holding hands. The next day, she refuses to talk to him because she knows that she'll just cry. When she finally does break down and tell him why she's unhappy, he just sighs and once again tells her that it's no different than her being friends with someone like Ken Matthews. Man, will that ever come back to bite him in the ass.

They have a small fight that leaves Liz upset and crying. She finally tells him that it's clear they can't reach an agreement on this and that it's best if they just end things. Todd kinda stands there for a few seconds before telling her that she's probably right and then leaving. Annie comes back crying her eyes out and makes it all about her. See, she and Charlie, one of Bruce's friends from the tennis team, had a minor flirtation. Bruce dislikes this and kept making snide comments about her past. Annie overhead him say that people don't change and Charlie saying that maybe he was right. That is somehow way more important than Liz and her boyfriend of like 37 years breaking up.

Jessica gets her sights set on Robbie October, some good looking but random guy she sees on the road. He and his brother are on a bike trip together and are bad news. Others tell her that he got tossed out of his last hostel for throwing beer bottles out the window. She pretends that he's a completely different guy and a long lost friend to introduce herself and cop a feel. Though he invites her to come to a bar with them after she kinda invites herself along, she has to stay and cook for the group.

Though Lila agreed to help her get rid of Courtney on the trip, she's more concerned about Nora. That's why she gets excited when she meets two guys on a cycling trip. They think Nora looks like their old French teacher, but that woman's name was Beth. Lila approaches Nora, makes some small talk, and then drops the news, which makes the woman go pale and pretty much agree to do whatever she wants like carrying the heavy equipment for her when it's Lila's turn.

Jessica and Lila get into a fight that leads to them not talking for a few days. She runs into Robbie and learns that he's leaving the next day, so she suggests they sneak off to a waterfall around midnight that night. Jess makes up with her friend just so she won't tattle on her when she sneaks out in the middle of the night. Lila wakes up, realizes what happened, and doesn't know what to do, but she does eventually confess that Jess took off the night before and never came back.

It turns out that Robbie got lost on the way to the waterfall and didn't bring a flashlight. When it started raining, they hid in a cave without realizing that bear cubs were already there. The mother came back and trapped them inside. Liz, Todd, and Courtney take one trip to the falls while the rest of the group takes another. Courtney almost immediately starts complaining and whines about how they should leave the job to the pros. Todd doesn't know what to do, especially when she sniffles and says that finding Jess is more important and that she'll just go back on her own. Liz hears the other group and tells them to leave, but when she looks back, she sees Todd staring after her.

Barry spent a good portion of the book trailing after Jessica like a lost puppy dog and acting like baby, but he suddenly grows a pair and tells them all about how this is a certain type of bear that doesn't attack people. Charlie tries to hit the bear with a rock, but Barry runs up to hit, swats it, and then runs off. The bear chases him, which lets Jess and Robbie escape. Barry starts running out of steam, but just as the bear catches him, its babies cry and she runs away. Mr. Collins picks him up and carries him back to the campsite.

Jessica kind of apologizes to Lila and makes up with her. Lila then tells her the dirt on Nora Dalton and how she was once married to a man, stole all his money, and made him so depressed that he killed himself. After Liz puts out the fire, Courtney smokes a cigarette and wakes up Todd to talk to him. She throws herself at him and cries about how lonely and horrible her dad is right now and how she really needs to go back home. Courtney asks him to come with her, and when he hesitates, she says that she understands he has Liz. Todd tells her that she's just like the old Liz and the kind of woman he likes. They kiss, and Courtney even offers to help him find some film work.

Elizabeth wakes up in the middle of the night to flames everywhere. Mr. Collins asks some of the guys to help him, Roger volunteers, and Bruce tells him no because they can't risk two Patmans at the same time. It's a sweet moment because this was back when Bruce didn't approve of having a formerly poor cousin. Of course, this was also back when Roger was still alive!

Nora breaks down and tells Roger all about her past. She married a guy who was rich and sweet, but it turned out that he had a drinking problem and was horribly mean. His family basically walked away and told her to deal with it. He hit her once, so she left. He kept begging her to come back, and when she refused, he shot himself. His family ran her out of town and told everyone she caused his death. It turns out that George knew the family and figured out who she was. Though she says he never blackmailed her, she does say that he just took up a lot of her time.

Roger then needs to run after Liz as she runs off in a panic through the woods. She tells him that Todd and Courtney just announced they were heading back to LA. He's pretty confused about why her boyfriend is leaving with another gal and shocked that Todd isn't her boyfriend. Liz goes on and on about Steve's drinking problem until Roger tells her the truth about why Courtney came on the trip. Liz then confesses that she started the fire and because of some talk he gave on day one, she'll have to leave because she didn't put the fire out properly. He tells her that he really doesn't want her to leave and gives her Nora's back story, which she's apparently telling everyone else at the moment.

When they go back to the group, Liz tells everyone that she's leaving and why. Todd then reveals that Courtney actually had a cigarette later that night and threw it into the bushes where the fire started. Courtney immediately starts screeching and calling him a liar, which makes them all realize she never actually changed.

Liz comes home at the end and tells Enid what happened. Jessica and Lila made up, everyone loves Nora again, Lila begrudgingly thinks she's an okay person, and Roger put Courtney on a bus to her aunt's house in New Mexico. And, Liz and Todd are officially back on.

*Nolan is described as having a mohawk, lots of piercings, and wearing all black on a motorcycle. Does he sound like someone a spoiled rich girl would even look twice at, let alone date?

*If you wonder why Enid isn't along for the ride, it's because she's spending the summer working at the ice cream parlor in town. Cara skipped out on the trip because she's working at a summer camp and not because she's currently living with her mother in England.

*When it's Bruce and Charlie's turn to cook, they make canned beef stew and burn it. That is way more realistic than Liz and Olivia making individual chicken parmesan cutlets for each person or Annie making salad, cheese fondue, and chocolate fondue over a campfire.

*The Annie and Charlie story actually annoyed me. She hears him say, “maybe you're right” and runs off in a panic to never speak to him again. Bruce tells her that he actually said, “maybe you're right but I don't think so.” She seriously didn't hear him say that? Of course they make up and become a couple.

*Barry mopes to Liz about how he knows he doesn't stand a chance with Jessica but how he just wants to be close to her. He also says that if Jess were nicer to him, the others would be too. Um, probably not. The fact that he keeps trying to be around her all the time and asking her to dance and stuff when she's made it clear that she's not interested just made things worse.

*The whole bear story cracked me up. Charlie literally just stood there with a rock that he kept trying to aim at the bear. What did he think he was going to do? A rock that he can pick up, hold, aim, and throw isn't heavy enough to do anything but piss off a bear.

*Nora's story just made me roll my eyes. Her “confession” that he hit her once was so cheesy and straight out of a TV movie. She literally put her hand over her eyes when saying it and then collapsed in his arms. Also, if she was so devastated by what happened, how the hell did she go through two new guys since then? She's seriously dated both Roger and George while supposedly on the run, fearing for her life, and worrying about her ex-husband's family coming after her.

*Todd is a massive tool. Oh, I'm sorry. Some random girl you never met before and hated on first sight suddenly has a terrible back story and needs your help. Yeah, you should totally be on her side and not your girlfriend of the last year's side. Given the fact that the old Courtney came out multiple times too, there is no way he should have believed a word out of her mouth.

*And, come on! There is no way Jessica would get through high school without either getting date raped or losing her virginity. When she complains about Robbie not bringing a flashlight, he tells her that he didn't think seeing things was on her mind. She sneaks out of her tent, meets a guy at midnight, goes to a secluded waterfall with him, and what, thinks he just wants to play checkers?