Sweet Valley High #126: Tall, Dark and Deadly

The twins are back from summer camp and looking for some action. For Liz, this means going on a date with Todd. He suggests they borrow a canoe and take it out on the ocean. She worries that it is too dangerous, but he thinks it's romantic. Liz actually doesn't want to go because it reminds her too much of Joey. After getting snappy with her boyfriend, she asks him to take her home and claims she has a headache. Todd gets all mopey because maybe his cheating whore of a girlfriend doesn't love him anymore.

Jessica is out with a bunch of cheerleader pals at the Dairi Burger and wants to show off her new diamond earrings. The twins' grandmother sent them both a pair. Once they finish eating and head out, she realizes that one of her earrings is missing. Jess convinces Lila to come back inside with her and then to check the dumpsters with her.

They find a small white kitten that seems super freaked out. Jessica keeps digging in the dumpster and eventually gets in to toss bags outside. That's how she literally stumbles over a dead body. In true SVH fashion, she gets over it when the cops and reporters show up and takes the time to give multiple interviews. The dude in the dumpster has bite marks on his neck and was drained of blood. As this all unfolds, someone creepily stands in the dark and watches everything happen.

Jessica brings home the cat and names it Jasmine. Todd drops Liz off to a scene filled with police cars, but once Jess explains what happened, things are fine. There seriously isn't even a mention of their parents.

Cut to the next day at Sweet Valley High. Liz gets cut off and almost knocked down by a dude in black leather pants. He then shoves some other girl, who apparently was the Peggy chick who tried to steal Todd away, and ruins her school project. This is Jonathon Cain, the new guy. Jessica sees him and falls in love at first sight, though it seems like 90% of the chicks in Sweet Valley feel the same way.

Liz is super excited to have Maria back in her life and back at school. She can't wait to tell her about a letter she got from Joey. He apparently realized that going to Yale was what his parents wanted him to do and not what he wanted, so he transferred to UCLA. When Enid shows up, Liz pretty much ignores her. She never told Enid about Joey because she didn't want to confess that she's a lying whore.

This sets the stage for Enid finally breaking the hold Liz had over her for 20+ years. Every time she comes up to Liz and Maria, they get all quiet and secretive because Liz still doesn't want to tell her about Joey. Enid becomes obsessed with Jonathon and decides that going goth is the key to his heart. When she says she wants to dye her hair black, Liz tells her it's a horrible idea. Maria even tells her black hair wouldn't go with her complexion.

Enid goes to the mall by herself and splurges. She has her hair chemically straightened and dyed black, buys all new makeup, changes the way she dresses, and gets fake nails painted all black. Maria sees her at the mall and tells her that she looks “nice” and not what she expected. Enid pretty much sneers at her and walks away.

Maria tells Liz what happened, but Liz is way too distracted by the whole Joey situation to deal with her best friend. The two of them burned the letter he wrote to her, as if that would make the situation disappear. But, Joey then somehow gets into SVH and leaves a canoe paddle in her locker. It has a ton of images on it of things they did together.

By the time she finally does talk to Enid, Enid is over it. She now realizes that Liz is way too pushy when you don't do what she wants to do. Enid finds a new group of friends, including Jennifer Mitchell and Lynne Henry. They all bond over their black hair and nails. Even Annie joins their group, which seems a bit odd. Liz also gets upset because Todd starts dressing like Jonathon, just like every other dude in SVH. She can't help thinking that Joey would never, ever follow the crowd like that.

Jessica just knows that Jonathon is her destiny, even if he makes it clear that he doesn't like her. She gets herself all ready to see him after school and parks the Jeep right next to his motorcycle. When she turns to dazzle him, he's gone. She then leaves her headlights on to drain the battery because no guy can resist a cute girl in a miniskirt with car trouble – her advice, not mine. Jonathon once again leaves without a second look.

While shopping with Lila, she finds the perfect red minidress that will turn his head. When she sees him shopping, she actually runs outside and hops on the back of his motorcycle when he tries to leave. Since he knows where she lives, she's sure it's fate and that he's secretly in love with her. He drops her off and instead of kissing her, tells her to never pull something like that again.

Jessica sends him a note in French class, which he throws away and even steps on without reading it. She actually wonders if it's possible that he's really rejecting her. Really, Jess, really? Depressed, she heads to the Dairi Burger and sees Enid looking just as down. Enid tells her all about how she's in love with Jonathon and even followed him home one night. Jessica thinks it's sad that Enid would assume she even had a chance with someone who looks like him but pumps her for information before making an excuse and taking off.

Liz accidentally lets Jasmine out, which leads to the twins looking all over the neighborhood for her. Jessica stumbles across Jonathon just hanging out in the trees. He keeps having all these weird thoughts about her but lets her get close anyway. When Jasmine freaks out and hisses at him, he basically tells Jessica to listen to her cat before sneaking back into the shadows. He later goes to Liz and tells her that if she cares about her twin, she'll keep her away from him.

Since Liz can't do anything half assed, she goes full assed into protecting her twin. They make a deal that Jessica will stop throwing herself at him and chasing after him until Liz has a few weeks to check him out or until he asks her out. This deal lasts until Jess convinces her twin to spend the night at home with her.

When Liz is in the shower, she changes into the outfit on the cover and heads off. She gets to his house and doesn't think he's home, but he's actually hiding inside with a glass of super dark blood. Though he tells her to leave, he starts kissing her instead.

Elizabeth previously made the decision to stick with Todd and even gave him a mega kiss to prove her affection for him. Once she got the paddle though, she started avoiding him again. While trying to figure out what the hell happened to her twin, she hears on the news that the police found a young blond girl drained of all her blood. Panicked, she calls him for help, and he says he'll be right over. When the doorbell rings, she assumes it's Todd and opens it, but it's actually Joey. Seeing her so upset, he hugs her as she throws herself into his arms. Todd then shows up to an open door and his girlfriend in the arms of someone else...

*In a throwback to a hella old SVT book, Jessica says her grandmother got her ears pierced when she was 11 and the first one in her friend group to have pierced ears.

*Some of the cheerleaders point out that Ken is one of the hottest guys in school but is super sad and depressed over what happened with Jessica, and she gives them all the death look. It's funny that she got over it and “fell in love” with two guys since Ken but he can barely function.

*When Liz tells Jess what Jonathon did to Peggy, she rolls her eyes and points out that Peggy had a thing for Todd. Liz then has to explain that her past has nothing to do with what happens to her now.

*Did the ghostwriter not understand how college works? For Joey to transfer from one college to another, he would need to wait until the end of the semester. This is like the start of the school year. There's no way he would just randomly start taking classes at UCLA.

*Liz is incredibly selfish in this book. She keeps saying she doesn't know why Enid is so upset, but we literally already went through this once before! Liz kept blowing Enid off when Amy moved back and told her she would never do that again.

*Why do all these gals act like Enid is some kind of leper? Hasn't she managed to date like every hot guy who passed through town before?

*Liz mentions multiple times that she doesn't understand what happened with Joey because she loves Todd so much. What's her excuse for all those other times she cheated?

*Even though Winston wears all black like the other guys, he also wears a fluorescent green bow tie, which is one of the reasons why we all love him.

*This is the book that introduced the whole “black Maria” and “white Maria” thing because of two characters with the same names. I wish they just let Maria Slater stay in New York.

*Maria is still pen pals with Nicole at this point. She says that Nicole conned a cute guy from one of her AP classes into giving her a ride to school every day.

*Jessica compares Jonathon to Paul because he's so not into her but then thinks about how she changed Paul's mind so she should just work on Jonathon too. How about you just start looking for a guy who actually gives a shit about you?

*Jessica also points out multiple times that her family has bad luck with motorcycles and how she shouldn't ride one but does so anyway. If my twin went bonkers and turned into a selfish witch after an accident on one, not to mention the whole almost dying thing, I'd stay off.

*”Someone” randomly finds Jessica's missing diamond earring and leaves it on her open windowsill.

*Bruce Patman teases her about the earring when it's still missing and how people will be all over the dump trying to find the Jessica Wakefield Diamond.

*Lila is super annoying in this book because she's so perfectly happy with Bo. Even though he's back in Washington DC, they talk on the phone every night and even watch movies together over the phone. Every time she's in this book though, she's talking about how he sent her a love letter in French or some fancy book, which isn't the Lila that I know and love.

*Jessica bitchily tells Lila that watching a movie with your boyfriend over the phone isn't a real date. I wish Lila had pointed out that launching yourself on a guy's bike as he drives by is not a date either.

*John totally pops up a few different times, which is concerning because I recently read Don't Go Home With John for the first time. Maybe he got help and is now welcomed back into the fold? He's even described as being the sports editor, so apparently he didn't even lose his job.